The Love of Romance

Once upon a time. Happily ever after. It’s stories that begin and end with these statements that may give people unrealistic expectations in the realm of romance; that’s what it gave me. It gave me the idea that a prince will show up and be everything I ever dreamed of. A man who would represent God and be the perfect Christian in everything he did. Thankfully I’ve learned these standards are unrealistic; it wasn’t easy, it felt like heart surgery at some points, I’m still figuring things out, but I’ve grown! 

Growing up I decided to wait to date anyone until I felt ready; not only did I dislike most of the guys I knew, but I also didn’t see the point in setting myself up for heartbreak at the age of 14. That’s just my opinion; I know couples who started dating in middle school and are still together today. However, in my own life, it didn’t make sense. (I also wasn’t allowed to date until high school, and guys weren’t interested in me anyway… which made waiting easy) 

I watched one friend go through heartbreak after heartbreak, I watched another friend’s values change because of a guy, and I’ve listened to my best friend sobbing on the phone over a broken heart. Love was scary, dating was foreign, and for years I chose to live life with my best friends and silly crushes (I had a lot of silly crushes). My idea of romance was based on the stories I grew up reading, and the Disney movies I loved watching. All the silly crushes that came and went were fueled by my own imagination. We’d live happily ever after, never fight, never hurt each other; it was the perfect relationship, and it was all in my head. 

Today, if you ask my boyfriend, he’ll tell you that I still struggle with wanting a perfect relationship. We have had multiple conversations about how our relationship isn’t falling apart over an argument. Fighting once in a blue moon doesn’t mean we’re not right for each other. Any relationship will have ups and downs; love, true love, is not what you see in Disney movies. I know, I was a bit disappointed too… but true love, realistic love, is actually more beautiful than the fake love you see in movies. Yeah, it may look nice when the guy in a movie knows the perfect words and sweeps the girl off her feet, but awkward moments and making up after a fight is where real love kicks in.

Last year I wrote a small paragraph on my idea of love. Keep in mind that, at the time, I had never actually been in love with a guy (I had gone on one date in my entire life, and I didn’t even classify it as a date at the time); but I was feeling creative. Did you ever have that single friend who always gave advice to people in relationships? Maybe you were that friend? I know I was. Anyway, this is what I wrote: 

Love is not easy. It’s messy and chaotic. It’s staying up all night thinking about what could have been. It’s going through each day with a memory that hurts just enough to keep on repeat. Love is finding out the little things first because you think the big things will come easier, they never do. It’s looking down an empty hallway hoping he might appear and give you the hug you desperately need. Love is not automatic. It’s a choice. It’s salty kisses after a fight. Looking at old photographs hoping he will look at you like that again. It’s waking up and looking into tired eyes that stayed up all night protecting you from nightmares. Love is gross and painful and everything we shouldn’t want in life.

And yet it’s also beautiful. It’s cuddles and kisses by a fireplace during a snowstorm. Frostbitten fingers still holding on to watch the sunrise. It’s long nights of laughter and silly faces. Waking up to a face you love so much. Love is magical. It’s something that one can’t describe without talking about a person. It’s a memory that makes you smile even on the darkest day and keeps you up at night with butterflies in your stomach. It turns your cheeks rosy and leaves your heart beating fast.

Love is a beautiful mess we just can’t help but fall into every time we open our eyes.

The Love of Romance. It’s confusing, frustrating, and can make you want to scream into a pillow. I know that first hand. Yet, all those things don’t seem to matter at the end of the day; when I’m in his arms and he’s praying for me. When he’s tickled me until I can’t breathe just to hear me laugh, and when he’s more romantic than any guy in a movie could ever be. After years of waiting and praying for the right person to come along, I couldn’t have imagined God would place such an amazing man in my life today. No matter what happens in our future, I’ve learned and grown so much through the love he’s given me and I’ve learned (and am still learning) to give to him. 

Whether you’ve just lost who you thought was the love of your life, or you’re fresh in the romance; don’t forget that love is not always going to be sunshine and rainbows, there are moments that hurt, but at the end of the day (or month, or year – when you’ve made the choice to love) it’s worth it. Another piece of advice, don’t go looking for the love of romance, look for the love of God; and while you’re doing that, somehow, someone ends up in your life that’s looking for the same thing; and you look for the love of God together. 

Thanks for reading. xx